Ancient Chinese Food Mentioned in Old Testament!

Found in Psalm 106:14, I never knew that the Israelites were lovers of delicious fried Chinese dumplings until now.  Here is the proof, provided by the translators of the ESV:

“But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness, and put God to the test in the desert;”

Did you see it?  Look again:

“But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness, and put God to the test in the desert;”

They craved Wantons.  Delicious, fried, tasty. Who wouldn’t?

Moral of the story: Don’t settle for just reading one translation of the Bible!!  Not only will you miss out on discovering tasty (sorry) gems like this, but often times we need to see a slightly alternate wording to get us to slow down and see things we may not have noticed before. And if you’ve done the work in learning the Biblical languages, you’ll now know how to order Wan-Tons at your favorite Chinese buffet in Hebrew!

(for that one person who read this all seriously, this is all a joke, minus a couple parts of that last paragraph!)


25 ways to make sure your End Times chart isn’t Left Behind…

Disclaimer: Whether you’re Dispy pre-mill or panmill or amill or whatever, I hope you can appreciate a tongue-in-cheek look at some of the ridiculous things done in the name of the End Times.  I think you’re all good people, so join me in a laugh.

We all know End Times charts are at an all-time low.  Some might even view this as a sign of the times.  Sure, Christians have End-times movies starring C-list celebs and even video games now.  But perhaps like me, you’ve never stopped believing in the power of good chart.  So to spur on a new generation of eschatographers, I’ve created a helpful list of 25 ways to make sure your End Times chart isn’t “Left Behind.”

1. Make sure it’s not an outline.  Outlines are what liberals use instead of charts.
2. Use a “Classic Darby” font.  It’s size 6 and resembles Ulysses S. Grant’s handwriting.
3. 1 word, 5 syllables—monochromatic.
4. Don’t include the word “apocalyptic.”  The term is “bible prophecy.”
5. Seamlessly weave a chart on Daniel, a chart on Revelation, and “Trail of Blood” into one unstoppable “Mega-Chart.”
6. Write portions of chart in invisible ink that can only be read by 700 Club members.
7. “Cup of wrath” illustration mysteriously resembles Goblet of Fire bookcover.
8. Subtly include character names from Left Behind series but only from the later books so people know you didn’t quit after Nicolae.
9. All Bible references must be in original 1611 KJV.
10. Chart available in “overhead transparency” form.
11.  Appendix includes “Y2K Survival Guide.”
12.  Only sell chart in bulk amounts of 144,000.
13.  Develop a side market for chart with hippies trying to hallucinate.
14.  Manage to cover all of history from eternity past to future in a 8.5 x 14” page.
15.  Print chart on cellophane glasses so one can literally “read the newspaper through the eyes of prophecy.”
16.  Small musical notes allow chart to be sung to tune of “I’ll Fly Away.”
17.  Pretend you’re Legolas and cover that chart in arrows like it’s the army of Mordor.
18.  The web address on bottom should be hosted by GeoCities.
19.  Sneak an American flag into the hand of saint being raptured.
20.  Print chart on ink containing water from the Jordan River.
21.  Include a subchart showing the amills, postmills, and post-tribbers winding up in a sub-basement of Heaven…
22.  Hide Waldo somewhere on the chart for the kiddos.
23.  Make sure pyramids are somewhere on the chart.  It doesn’t matter whether they’re Mayan, Egyptian, or ziggurat.  People love pyramids on charts.
24.  Encrypt secret code on chart that can be uncovered to reveal another secret code.
25.  Have the Antichrist illustration’s eyes follow people around the room Mona Lisa-style.

If you follow these simple suggestions, you may find your chart some day hanging on the fridge next to an autographed photo of Jack and Rexella Van Impe.

Doug Wilson’s Series on Food

Doug Wilson, regardless what one thinks of all of his unique beliefs, is a skilled writer in the vein of GK Chesterton.  Funny, brilliant illustrations, and the ability to deconstruct popular arguments.  He’s been doing a really interesting series of posts on food–especially on the current “natural, organic, free-range, anti-corporation” food movement and the spirituality of eating.  Really interesting stuff.  (even if you wind up disagreeing, there’s some great stuff to think about)

Here’s a link to his recent posts on the subject.

“Avatar” Review

If you haven’t seen Avatar, the 3-D effects and what-not make the movie worth seeing in the theater.  A world of floating mountains and crazy biological symbiosis on the world of Pandora are cool to see.

That said, it has been well noted that while James Cameron spent a lot of money making his own planet on the big screen, he probably should have hired a first year college English major to improve upon his script.  Actually, the average high school creative writing contestant could probably better what Cameron put on screen for two hours.  It seemed to me like the only moments in the dialogue where I didn’t feel like bursting into spontaneous, but (often) inappropriately timed laughter were when the characters spoke in Navii.  To be fair, I might have wanted to laugh at those as well, since I’m certain James Cameron could manage to direct his actors to butcher the syntax of a language that he himself made up.

The plot seems familiar the whole time, with every possible fork in the road taking the most obvious, familiar (and lamest) turns.  If you’ve seen any of the following, you will probably not encounter a single surprising moment in the film: Pocahontas, The Last Samurai, Dances with Wolves, Ferngully, the old Robert DeNiro film “The Mission”, the Jar Jar subplot of Phantom Menace…and that’s just off the top of my head.

What makes me sad isn’t so much the (blatant) political overtones (although G.W. bashing is pretty out-dated now, even for Hollywood), but the fact that with so much effort created to make a 3-D landscape, we end up with the most 1-D characters ever put on screen.  Jake Sully, (dumb, tough guy), people who connect with nature (and do not seem remotely interested in technology at all), big mean C.E.O., big mean soldiers, nice scientists.  The bad guys have on the blackest cowboy hats imaginable, and the good guys just finished bleaching theirs.  You can combine technology with genuine character development (see Spider-Man 2, Iron Man), but Cameron has long refused that road (see Titanic or just remember how badly you wanted little John Connor to be killed by the end of T2…) in favor of special effects.   O well.

That said, Avatar is worth seeing once because of the special effects.  But be warned…Sarah Palin joining Fox News was a bigger plot twist than anything happening on Pandora.

A Great Christmas Present…

While I liked almost all my Christmas presents, especially an additional 9 books by CS Lewis that I didn’t previously own, my wife got me the best present of all…(though she cheated on our Christmas budget to do so!)

Now as I read and prepare to teach and generally do things, I will have Mr. Spurgeon ready to bob his approval to me with the tough of a finger.  Now to find the bobbing headed-likenesses of A.W. Tozer and David Brainerd…

Tim Challies’ “Ultimate Christian Novel”

I came across this hilarious post about a guaranteed Christian best-seller by a Canadian named Tim Challies…who by the way is obviously crazy based on his 10 Million Words project for 2010…

Amish Vampire Tribulation Romance…

G.R.A.C.E Acronyms

I saw an hilarious post this morning over at the “Evangel” blog expanding the common G.R.A.C.E. (God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense) to cover various “tribes” of the Christian world.  Excellent.